My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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