before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
