I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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