Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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