We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
