if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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