I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
