I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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