Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
