i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
