I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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