so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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