Is it because I queefed?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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