The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
