I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
