dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
