I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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