I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
