why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
