im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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