We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
