Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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