its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're a waste of cheezeits
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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