Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
soo... how was my night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
