he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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