you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
