Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
