I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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