ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
