i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
