dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
