I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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