Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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