u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
