hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
