dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
