I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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