sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The Olympian is in my bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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