Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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