i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
