Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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