If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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