I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
