seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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