I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
