Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
