he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
