Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
