I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
