I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
