The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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