My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
