my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
