I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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