Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
