My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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