I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
