I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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