It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
