If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
