Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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