last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
