I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
