I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
