I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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