I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
